


Hail Fenrir

by clownerooni



Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Abuse, Cults, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Norsk | Norwegian, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religion, Self-Harm, Worship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 05:06:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21422659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clownerooni/pseuds/clownerooni
Summary: Toki gets a visit from his parents, two years after he ran off and joined a metal band.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 22





	Hail Fenrir

**Author's Note:**

> Translations at the bottom.

Toki was squirming in his seat, practically burning alive under Charles watchful eyes.   
He felt like he was being called in here because he was in trouble or something, but as much as he racked his brain he couldn't think of one thing he could be in trouble for..

Unless Charles knew that he was smoking and drinking with the guys…   
or snorting coke..   
or popping pills… 

He should have known this day would come, but he really didn't want it to so he tucked it away in the back of his mind and problem solved. Except now Charles knew.

The poor kid couldn't stop chewing at his lips, clearly anticipating the worst possible things that could happen.   
Toki was breaking into a horrible sweat. 

“Alright, Toki. You're not in trouble, I just need to discuss some very important business with you-” Immediately, Toki had a new train of thought.

“Ooh, it's am managers positions? Or maysbe i gets to be leads guitarist! Waits.. then where Skwisgaar goes, I would misses him. I do nots think Toki ams ready! I-”  
Charles had always known how to talk to Toki in a way that he could remain sane, and Toki could be satisfied. It was kind of- no, entirely like talking to a 4 year old.

“No, no Toki. Just- ah, just let me tell you, alright? Skwisgaar is not going anywhere and your position is not changing.”   
The boy snapped his mouth shut and sat on his hands, giving Charles his full attention with a huge smile on his face.  
Now that he knew he wasn't in trouble, he could take anything.

“Now, as you know the band is, er, getting quite popular these days. Word spread. It reached out across the world and- well, I'm sorry to say your parents have contacted me and requested a visit.”   
Toki’s smile dropped, along with his stomach. 

Flurries of thoughts flooded his mind on the dot.   
They found me.   
They're going to drag me by my hair all the way back to Norway.   
He deserves so much punishment.  
They wouldn't let him live another day.  
Oh god, help me, I don't want to go back.   
Never never never never neve-

"I know your situation.” Charles reasoned with a concerned twitch of his brow,   
“It is merely a compromise. You are still a minor after all, we just need them to sign you over to, ah… well the band I suppose.”   
But Toki wasn't listening anymore, blood was rushing past his ears and his eyes were blurring from how hard they concentrated on the painting just behind Charles’ head.   
Colors flashed in his peripherals and he could hardly focus on this, he was tipping dangerously close to totally shutting down right now, at the mere possibility of seeing his parents again.   
He wouldn't personally be ready until he was 30 probably.   
Maybe not even then. 

It had been a solid 2 and a half years since he last saw them, he was now freshly 17, and they were not going to be happy to see his face or who he was with, and what he was doing.   
He did not so much as leave a note when he ran off, so who knows just how furious they were to find that their son had ran off to America to join a metal band.   
Yikes.

Toki felt like he was gonna blow chunks.

“Toki… Toki.” Charles snapped his fingers until Toki’s widened eyes were settling back onto him.   
“They will be here Thursday evening… and, well, I'll be here. Everyone will.”  
Unfortunately that wasn't comforting enough.

\--

The 5 days trickling up to Thursday were hell.   
Nobody but Charles and Skwisgaar knew that Toki wasn't the biggest fan of his parents..  
and that's as much as they knew.   
He never told them that he was absolutely terrified of them...  
But the band did the best they could do to make the boy feel more comfortable.

In their own ways.

Skwisgaar let him play his fancy guitar and that nearly brightened his whole week.   
It felt amazing to play for Skwisgaar and not be snapped at when he did something wrong.   
The man instead guided him properly, though without notice, the blond was exasperated.  
His playing was a little worse, he was distracted, and honestly a little flustered with the white instrument in his rough and scarred hands.   
He couldn't stop looking at them.

Charles reassured him constantly that he would make sure Toki stays with the band, and got him all his favorite candies, but Toki felt too sick to eat it.  
He was never allowed to have candy until he stepped foot in America..   
Once he realized he could do things he actually wanted.

Nathan sympathized that if he had to see his parents he would die of embarrassment, and Toki discovered that Pickles was an outcast in his own family.   
He went on a long drunken spiel about his father and his mother and his brother.   
How much he wanted them dead, and then how much he didn't mean that with a glossy look.

Murderface even confessed that his parents died in a murder-suicide case, he played it off as a joke, everyone was even laughing, but Toki couldn't help but imagine how terrible that would be.

How he might wish his parents were dead.

How he could easily picture it.

None of it made Toki sleep any easier or feel less alone.   
There was truly nothing that could distract him from the truth that his parents were going to be here.   
And soon.

\--

Toki woke up at 3 A.M. Thursday morning feeling sick to his stomach.  
He booked it to the bathroom and ended up heaving nothing but stomach acid and saliva for an hour.  
There was no getting back to sleep for him.  
So he dove and hid underneath his covers for as long as he could. 

He slipped in and out of consciousness, dreaming about bright colors flashing and fluffy animals doing tricks and the smiling faces of his friends.   
He absolutely refused to look at a clock whenever he was awake, would just roll back over and go back to his own world.   
He could pretend for as long as he wanted that time stood still for him, allowing his mind to wander into brighter lights and sweeter feelings.

But it wasn't real, and soon enough Pickles was knocking on the door to his room. 

“Ey, yer parents’re here.” He called out from the other side of the door.

Toki didn't answer.

“Yew asleep in there?” 

He still didn't answer. 

“C’mon, kid. Up n’ at ‘em.”

Toki closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Ams comin’.”

\--

Toki took his time putting each article of his clothing on.   
He brushed his hair for once, brushed his teeth twice, changed into a different outfit, trimmed his nails, looked at himself in the mirror for an undetermined amount of time, changed again.  
The whole time he was trembling, struggling to perform these tasks as a result. 

He only trembled more when he reminded himself that he wouldn't be able to stall much longer and regardless if he left or not, he would be seeing his parents tonight.   
So he might as well do it on his own terms.. at least pretend he wasn't scared out of his mind.

After actually checking his reflection in his full length mirror one last time, Toki ran a hand through his hair, put on his best smile and left the room.

\--

Toki was doing a good job playing up for his bandmates.   
Everyone was stiffly waiting for Toki to make his appearance, probably waiting to see how his parents react.   
But Toki took over the situation entirely. 

Upon seeing his parents, he forced his smile even wider and pulled the two of them into a horribly stiff hug.  
“Mamma, Pappa! Godt å se deg!” He felt the two of them tense in unison, something so familiar and horrifying it hurt to keep smiling.  
“Beklager.” He whispered desperately.   
To which he received only silence. 

It was odd to see them interact with people who were not part of the.. church.   
Mostly because all his bandmates and Charles were clawing for any kind of response but silence.   
But to Toki’s surprise, the guys were actually being really respectful.   
That has to win him some points right?

Skwisgaar was trying to speak to them in Swedish, to which they replied with twin stares.

Charles brought up the paperwork they needed to fill out and mentioned how well Toki was doing, to which they replied with stiff expressions.

Nathan offered a joke, to which they replied with deep frowns.

Pickles offered to get them refreshments, to which they ignored outright altogether.

It was becoming painfully obvious that they were not going to say a single word, but then his mother opens her mouth and out comes the monotonous drawl that was her voice.

"Vi må snakke med dette barnet"   
As she said this, her eyes bore right into Toki and it sent a shiver right up his spine.   
Everyone was stunned silent.  
He has to look away.   
Before anyone could ask what she just said, Toki chimed in with the best ‘I got this under control’ voice he could muster.

“She wants us to have some time alone!” It came out absolutely manic, but nobody questioned it.   
Probably because at this point everyone wanted to get away from Toki’s parents just as much as he did.

\--

Now he was leading his deafeningly silent parents down the hall to where his bedroom was.   
Upon entering, Toki hoped that maybe he could just talk so much that it would distract them from actually doing or saying anything.   
So the boy reached out for the first thing that caught his eye.. his new guitar.  
“H-hey, checks it out, I gots cool new guitars. Skwisgaar's gives it tos me. He ams kinds of like teachers.”

Toki put on a big grin and plucked at the strings a couple of times, trying to show them that he could make music with these working hands.   
“Remembers when I gots mine first ones, yous guys were real mad!” Toki choked on a laugh, realizing that was not and never would be funny. 

Quick, subject change. 

“I haves, uh, plays show befores. Up stage likes in church! I gets cheers and applauses, i-is so exciting.”

Toki placed his guitar down on his bed, and grabbed onto his scrapbook from the bookshelf. Seamless transition, no time for them to interrupt. 

“Looks, I makes cool picature books of beings in da band! Yous can looks sos you can catch ups to my life!” Toki stood by his parents, but kept a safe distance, propping the book open against his arm. 

“Dat ams me and Skwisgaars after he says I cans be in band. Was best days of my lifes.” Toki pointed and felt genuine pride in everything that single photo held for him.   
“That's was… 8 month afters I runs off. That ams sometings I ams sorry for. I hopes I did not worries you too much.” Toki had refused to look at his parents this whole time and continued to play the whole interaction that way.

He kept leafing through the scrapbook, pointing and laughing to himself about this and that.   
Like the picture of their first record, the candid pictures he took with everyone.   
They all looked so pissed, but Toki couldn't help but smile.   
He was getting fairly caught up in the excitement, letting his anxiety slip away as he realized he was really, truly happy here.

And his parents didn’t… seem mad.   
Maybe they weren't here to do anything crazy, and they just wanted to make sure he was okay!   
The thought made him feel warm.   
He entertained the idea that him running away made his parents realize how unhappy he was. 

“Oh, oh! I almost forgets.” Toki scrambled to grab the photo out of his bedside drawer.  
“I do thinks of yous lots. Gots dis tiny picsures I keeps in my tables!” He found that he was genuinely proud that he did so.   
Proud that he could still honor his parents despite everything.   
Maybe they will see that he is a good son after all!   
He showed them the picture… which really was just them as they stood before him but with a drastically different backdrop… and carefully placed it back where it belonged.

“Oh,I bets you haves not even listens to songs by us, but yous should! Here’s I will plays one-” Before Toki could turn to grab one of the demo tapes, something caught onto his wrist… a hand, with a white knuckle grip, tugging the boy back roughly.

He does not remember to flinch before his father smacked him with the back of his hand.   
All of his excitement and hope was sucked out of him and turned into putrid waste.   
The color drained from his face.   
He should have known.  
Toki yelped, but it was cut short by another stern smack to the face. 

“Vanære.” His mother hissed, grabbing onto his hair the moment his father let go. She pulled roughly and delivered a painful slap of her own.   
Toki’s tears fell on command, they knew the drill.  
It was like, instead of 2 and a half years, it had only been a week since he’d gone.   
He was properly trained, he was miserable.

His father roughly pointed at Toki’s bed and without saying a word or even uttering a single sound, he went and knelt down beside it, hands clasped together in front of him   
They would hear it, they would all hear it if they did this.   
Skwisgaar, Charles, everyone. His entire body burned with humiliation at the thought and in one last effort turned his wide begging eyes to them both.  
“Mamma, Pappa. Please, I am sorries.” He moaned miserably as he felt familiar cold, dead hands trailing his shirt up his back.

“Du bør vær.” The sound of his father’s voice made him tremble in sheer terror, and he immediately accepted his fate.   
He heard the soft noise of the switch, shifting in his father's callused hands.

It was like they wanted to make up for lost time, whip him for each and every day he was gone for the past two and a half years.   
Knowing that he would have made at least a mistake a day if he had not left, and knowing that they couldn't send him down the punishment hole this time. 

It had been so long, Toki was no longer used to it and cried fresh tears, and bled just as easily as he did when he was much, much younger.   
But he kept his jaw clenched like his life depended on it, only whimpers.

It had to have been an hour of dead silence, nothing but the sound of the wretched instrument smacking up and down the soft flesh of his back.  
Thwap, thwap.  
Thwap, THWAP.  
And the soft sound of Toki weeping 

Beklager. Tilgi meg. 

He could feel the blood trickling down his sides and onto the bed where it will most definitely stain.   
So many times, the switch came down, until there was not a single inch that hadn't been touched, until they had to slice even deeper into the wounds they already left.  
They wanted him to feel it for a real long time.

As soon as they were done, Toki thought they were just that, done.   
But instead he was being flipped over onto his back, Toki hissed in agony as his wounds stung horribly, and his mother was now pressing a knife into Toki’s hand and closing his fingers over it. 

“Takk ham.” She whispered, softly like she cared.  
“Takk ham for din straff, uforskammet barn.”  
Then the two of them took a few steps back until they were in the middle of the room, and stood with their hands clasped behind their backs and their eyes, expectant, watching him.   
Toki looked at them, then the knife, and slowly sat up. He knew exactly what to do.

With more sorrowful tears sliding down his damp cheeks, Toki pressed the knife into his wrist and began cutting in smooth, precise lines around his wrist, then along the length of his arm.

As he did this, his breath quivered and he formed his lips around his prayer. 

Hail Fenrir...

Utamet og mektig, Han er det Han er.

Hail til Den hellige skogs vakreste sønn, fordi han er hellig sannhet.

Jeg elsker deg med kjærlighet og hengivenhet, for du er ustoppelig kraft.

Jeg gir deg ære og ros for hengivenhet, flammende er lidenskapen til Ditt Jötun-hjerte.

Jeg tilbyr deg raseri, mitt mørke og smerte, for stalwart veiledning og bryte mine kjeder.

Takk for alt.

\--

His parents signed him over to Charles and left the next morning, having been satisfied with Toki’s clear everlasting faith and obedience.

They had no reason to fret, for they knew he would always be loyal, and it was true.

Toki would always offer himself to Fenrir no matter what.   
It was he who watched over him, and it was he who would guide him in life.   
Later, as he looked at the fresh scars trailing up his arms, he did not feel disgusted or hurt.   
He felt full. 

He does not want to see his parents again for as long as he lived.

**Author's Note:**

> Godt å se deg - Good to see you  
Beklager - Sorry  
Vi må snakke med dette barnet - We need to talk to this child  
Vanære - Disgrace  
Du bør vær - You should be  
Beklager, Tilgi meg - Sorry, forgive me  
Takk ham - Thank him  
Takk ham for din straff, uforskammet barn - Thank him for your punishment, rude child  
The prayer - 
> 
> Hail Fenrir ...
> 
> Exhausted and powerful, he is what he is.
> 
> Hail to the most beautiful son of the Holy Forest, because he is holy truth.
> 
> I love you with love and affection, for you are unstoppable power.
> 
> I give you honor and praise for devotion, flaming is the passion of your heart.
> 
> I offer you rage, my darkness and pain, for stalwart guidance and breaking my chains.
> 
> Thanks for everything


End file.
